Self love is deeper than we realize. Self love is the ability to love yourself unconditionally. To love yourself even when you’ve done something you aren’t proud of, haven’t hit that goal you wanted to hit, said something you wish you hadn’t, or let another down.
It’s easy to show up for yourself when things are “good”. It’s easy to love yourself when you are taking care of yourself and putting in the work to be a better human. It’s easy to love yourself when outwardly you’re doing well and others notice and love on you.
But what about the times when you feel blue, shameful, lost, unloveable, not loved enough, unhealthy, sickly, out of shape, or when you feel jealous/regret/anger/frustration??? Do you love yourself then?? Or do you go down the spiral of self loathing and victimhood?
Are you a fair weather self-lover?
I believe at some point, on some level, we all are. Your awareness of your conditional self-love is enough.
Your awareness brings presence to your behaviors and beliefs and allows you to start SEEING them play out. That awareness is enough. Sure you can dive in and do the fixing, but the real work comes in being the witness, to yourself. That’s SELF LOVE. And you will not only see it within yourself, but you will see this conditional/unconditional love play out in all your relations.
Just like the moon… you are still YOU in all of your phases. Your love for yourself shall not shift in times when you prosper vs times when you struggle. When you can allow space for LOVE to come through at all times, you can heal yourself. You begin to feel that unconditional love is present in ALL THINGS and conditional love no longer serves you.
This does not mean you just allow people to treat you poorly or let them walk all over you. You can hold your ground, declare your boundaries, stand up for yourself AND still love them!
If you find yourself loving people only when they act according to your principles, that is a mirror for the conditional love you show yourself. That’s what I mean when I say your awareness is enough. When you bring awareness to your conditional habits of self love, Life will mirror back examples, allowing you to express unconditional love to others. You can tell someone not to talk to you or treat you that way and still love them.
In any relationship we get to decide if we want to stay and LOVE the other person through their stuff (energetic imprints/limiting beliefs) or if we want to leave and LOVE them from afar. Either way, there is always love, no matter what.
Loving someone with conditions, only when they act in a way in which we approve, is a key indicator that we have work to do on our self love. Because our relations with others is a direct reflection of what’s going on inside ourselves.
It could go without saying, but I want to say something you’ve probably heard a million times…. We can never truly love another, fully and unconditionally, if we do not fully love ourselves first.
So, how does this play out in the online business world?
When you are so deeply in love with yourself, in all phases, you do not have room for the voice of judgement that can run havoc on your true purpose and message. You no longer question yourself, second guess every decision and obsess over that one thing you posted/said/did/didn’t do. You SEE the real truth in everything that happens in your business and how each happening is a lesson, an initiation. You see your power as a co-creator for your reality!
When you are so deeply in love with yourself, you KNOW for certain that you are unique and there is more than enough room for all of us to RISE. You do not live in scarcity, you live in abundance. You resist the temptation to compare yourself to someone else because you know that comparing isn’t even a conscious thing. You know that you and your path are unique to only YOU and that no one else could ever compare to that. You believe that what you have to share with the world is something only you can share.
When you are so deeply in love with yourself, you show up with compassion for others and that feels so good! You know that hurt people hurt people and when someone directly hurts you, you know it’s because they need a hug and a little attention. This creates leadership based on love and you learn to truly hold space for the healing of others! You love all people in your life, but learn to reserve your healing energy and guidance for those who are also doing the work and showing up for themselves.
When you are so deeply in love with yourself, you know your boundaries which gives you CLEAR direction on your path. You have a central focus in your business and how you earn money. You know you cannot be everything to everyone, and you are so nurtured by that. The people-pleaser in you, or the need to have everyone love you, fades away. You will see it mirrored back to you when others are people pleasers, but that is just a reminder to love all parts of you, even the old versions.
When you are so deeply in love with yourself, you no longer do it for any other reason except because you LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! The carrot dangled in front of you is no longer your driving force. As my mentor, Yadi Alba, says so beautifully… if work and play are not synonymous, you are not living in your scared purpose.
Loving without conditions is a beautiful thing and it’s our life’s work. There is no race to self love, only the journey on how it unfolds so divinely for each of us. Trust in YOUR journey!
PS – this is all the work I am doing for myself currently. I have not fully embodied the Healed Healer or total unconditional love. I’ve been working on it for years, exploring how it works in each of my relations. And I’m finding that everyday, I love myself more and more, which is something I hope never ends. With love and gratitude for all that is!!